I hate Xanax

Okay, there was a time when Xanax was a lifesaver, an absolute necessity. However, that was 15 years ago. At that time I was not told that this drug is never meant to be used for more than 6 weeks nor was I told that it is extremely addictive. Most experts say the benzodiazepines (like Xanax and its cousin Valium) are the hardest drug to get off. And so I have found myself in a real pickle with this stuff.

It's not necessary for me to take Xanax anymore but I have taken it for years and years because withdrawal from this stuff really sucks. I'm quite proud of myself...over the years I weaned down from 4mg daily to my current dose of .875 mg. That weaning was in increments of .125mg and each step down was excruciating...or if not excruciating, pretty damn miserable. Once I got down to 1mg daily about 5 or 6 years ago, I figured "Screw it. I will take this the rest of my life because I am done with withdrawal."

Then I did more reading and thinking...what is the long term effect of this stuff? How could I not be better off without it? Why on earth would I take a drug I don't need? Aren't I constantly in a state of "little withdrawal" since this dose is no longer effective in anyway? Isn't this what I have been working so hard in therapy for...to be free of old crutches that no longer help me? So here I go...now is the time to get off of this stuff for good and today is the day I began, again, to go through Xanax withdrawal.

I'm going to write my way along as I do this. Stew suggested that it might help and that sounds right to me. I'll fill in background and probably do much swearing and moaning as I go. Today I'm going down .125mg...