Benzo nightmare

This is really hard....much harder than the Xanax withdrawal this summer. I'm not sure how much shows on the outside but since Wednesday I have been over-reactive, anxious as hell, sickish, jittery, over stimulated....My poor brain is missing that nice druggy cushion and I really do feel dreadful.

I know that it will ease up but at this rate, I'm going to be doing this 7 more times. That stinks.

Right back at it

Phooey! I'm back to having withdrawal problems.

I started a new benzodiazepine (Klonopin) in June to help me get off the old benzodiazepine (Xanax). So now I'm off Xanax but I'm finding it's not easy to get off any benzo. This is going to be a rather long haul.

Phooey again.....

Take the bad with the good

I really love teaching a pullout program for gifted kids. I think it's the best of both worlds. It gives them time away from the regular classroom but they still have that structure, that time with everybody. And in my room, they have time with their intellectual peers so that they can let their hair down and not worry about what everyone thinks. Or not be surprised and hurt by others reactions to them. A safe spot if that's what they need.

But then.....this being in another room means that what I do with the kids is a mystery to other children and that makes it more enticing. What I do would NOT be good for all kids but little kids don't get that. I spent time this week talking to classes of 3rd graders about just what "gifted" means. I'm sorry to say that some kids still, after all the PR time our school system has put in over the years, think it is for the smart kids. The problem with that definition is, so what does that make the rest of them?

I did my song and dance, my poll of how many are good at reading and math and science and sports and art and music, of how most people are step-by-step thinkers and some people think in leaps, of how smart is as smart does, talk talk talk to try to explain something a lot of adults don't get. I'm hoping that I helped some of them. The downside of my job is that by helping the kids who "think differently" (our words), I make others feel left out.

And now on a lighter note and because too many words with no pictures gets dull, here is my favorite 3rd grader, my granddaughter Samantha....
And my three other favorites....her big brothers Ian, Mitchell and Nick. What a great way to end this post!

Struggling to learn the obvious

Why is this so hard to understand? I've been a teacher for good-god 34 years and yet I keep forgetting that it's the staff....and maybe primarily the principal...who sets the tone for a school.

My partner teachers and I had meetings set up at our school system's two middle schools to talk to the 6th grade teachers about our gifted kids....the ones we worked with for three years and have now sent on to them. To talk about family issues, medicals stuff, our professional observations, what we learned from spending time with this group of kiddos. This is the first time we have done this meeting thing but with our state's mandate for gifted education, including counseling type stuff, we decided to take this on. It meant developing a form, filling out that form for 72 children, coordinating time with those two schools, blocking out time on our part....but the lines of communication between schools in our system have historically been poor (not just my opinion. The latest consultant confirmed this.) so we wanted to do our part.

School One: easy atmosphere, interest in what we had to say, note taking by the 6th grade teachers, a counselor present, a sense that these teachers enjoy kids, collegiality and respect, talk of further sharing of ideas for helping this sort of student.

After that experience, my partners and I felt good about going to School Two. Sure, we had a perception of School Two's principal as an arrogant jerk based on our past experiences with him but this was a new format for a new reason. Well, School Two's principal is still an arrogant jerk and guess what? His staff behaved like jerks too. One teacher was taking something to the high school (not job related) and showed up late, all the 6th grade teachers talked over and through our presentation and laughed at inappropriate times, no one took notes or seemed even remotely interested except to tell us that whatever we saw, they saw the opposite. Oh, that was if they knew the kid. They have had those students for 5 weeks now but they didn't know who a lot of them were.

I'd like to say that I'll never go back there. It felt like we were the middle school kids...that kind of uncomfortable social feeling like thank God I don't usually have any more as an adult. I don't like that feeling. But I will probably go back. I need to for my students. Those children are stuck in that building with those arrogant unfriendly jerks (did I mention that we did hall duty with them during a passing time and not one of the teachers spoke to a child?). The least I can do is show up once a year.

So anyway. A school is only as good as its staff. The kids of course are important but they are kids. It's those adults who set the climate and tenor of the school. That should be obvious to an educator but I just keep wishing we adults didn't have that much power. But we do and School Two should be ashamed of itself. (Sadly, it's rare for arrogant jerks to ever feel shame.)

Flowers to make me feel better.....

...because those glitches are really getting my goat!

I'll concentrate instead on my little corner of the world and how I'm working to make it prettier.

Aaahh....that's better.....

"Glitches"

I'm perturbed. Adults are supposed to take care of kids and it's hard for me to sit by and see shoddy performances by the grown ups around here.

J is one of my former students and has a hereditary syndrome which, among other awful things, is taking her eyesight. She actually has been legally blind for several years and it's not getting better. She is a bright child, a hard worker, a trooper, not a complainer....I've seen her walk right up to the chalkboard and squint, inches away, determined to see.

There are tools that can help J and when she was at my school, she had some of these tools. So I was shocked to hear that now at the middle school, she is doing without. They have none of the various magnifing machines as aids for her. I'm not faulting the teachers. J brings out the best in educators and I've never seen a teacher who didn't stretch and grow from working with her (including me).

It's the special ed department that fell down here. They only ordered the supplies last week, nearly a month after the beginning of school. Who knows how quickly these things will arrive? This child has had as IEP for seven years. She was not a surprise who showed up at the special ed department's doorstep on the first day of school. I am angry about the low standard of care for this child. And I'm afraid some of it might have to do with the fact that J is also gifted. Is the SpEd department doing that "thing", that thinking that because she's gifted, she will make it even with this disability? They are calling it a "glitch". I'm wondering if it's not a possible lawsuit.

And on another note, one of my little 3rd graders today told me that his mom took him and his two brothers out of school last Wednesday afternoon for a "weird reason". She wanted to go to the movies so they went to see Hancock. This kid knew this was screwy. He said several times that it wasn't his idea. No, it wasn't his idea....he's eight. It took a bonehead adult to think of something this lame. I would call this a major parent brain glitch.

I'm very impatient with these glitches. Hey adults, don't make life harder for children. That's just plain wrong.

Finally.....September!

Hooray! The longest month (or so it seems) is over! I was looking at that gorgeous baby sweater in my last entry and I thought "What is that dirt evident from the deck?" That, my friends, is the grass. And it's not just our lawn. All the lawns around these parts are dry and seer. That's August in Indiana.

But I took a look around my August landscape and by gum, there are still some good things going on in the flowerbeds. Lookee here...


Another good thing: I have finished the Buggy Blanket for our little Cincy grandchild. I learned that I do not like intarsia, at least not for a pattern like this one. But I do love this blanket and the idea that it will keep our baby snug and warm.

And finally, I need to post a correction. Someone near and dear took exception when I said I didn't like September. It seems he thinks I should appreciate the month of his birth and he certainly has a valid point there. Not only that but September leads right into October and that is, as we all know, the king of the year!